seminarian vs. seminary

Seminary doesn’t always play nice.

When I see people that I haven’t seen in awhile (which is most people at this point because free time seems to no longer exist in my world) … they always ask how school is going.

“How is Jesus-school?” they ask.  

“How is life in the monastery?” they joke.  

“How is prayer and bible study?” they prod.

and usually I nod my head … and give the anticipated answer, “oh it’s fine…”

No one wants to hear that seminary hits my faith where it hurts sometimes.

Lately, I’ve been starting to work through some faith-things  — as has become the practice at the beginning of each new semester.  I start reading new books, writing new papers, and having new discussions and with all of that … I find myself with more questions than answers.

This time around, I find myself struggling to name God.  To point to things in life and situations and people … and call out God’s fingerprints.  Somewhere along the line, this has become difficult in my world.

and this might sound weird coming from someone in seminary to the outside world.  I get that.

The more I open up about all of this … the more I’m realizing that at some point or another — if we’re “doing” seminary right … we (seminarians) question.

            We struggle.  

                         We break-up with God.  

                                                          We fight.  

                                                                          We cry out.  

but somewhere along the way … we’re reminded why we’re here in the first place.  We go back to those ‘thin places’ in life and recall the feelings of God’s presence.  We hear encouragement from others.  We hear sermons that inspire.  We are affirmed in our field sites.

and while God and faith and church and grace might not ever make complete sense to our finite minds — we embrace the mystery of faith.

Great is the mystery of faith.

Amen. 

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About stepanana

just a girl writing about life through this lens.....
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5 Responses to seminarian vs. seminary

  1. Nikki D. says:

    I was so excited to see that you had posted a blog, because I love reading your insights. I have found in my own life that the more I try to follow God, the more difficult it becomes as God reveals to me things in my own life that need to change.

    Thanks for sharing :)

  2. stepanana says:

    @Nikki — thanks. I’m hoping to blog more often. perhaps I should set the bar at like once per week. something more managable :)

  3. juliegvillo says:

    Once again you have eloquently named the experience of many of us who seek to follow God and are transformed along the journey … Praise be to God that God is bigger than our questions!
    (P.S. I second the vote for more blogging. ;) )

  4. rogfri says:

    This design is spectacular! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well,
    almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really enjoyed what you had
    to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

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